April 15, 2007

Propagating the Species

God has a plan for new mothers. It’s called memory loss. By overloading our systems, eventually all the pain and turbulence morphs into bliss and becomes one big blur. This is how the human race continues to thrive.

My final week of pregnancy I could have run a marathon to force thiat child out. Then while I was in labor, the pain was so bad ahat a shovel to the head would have felt better. I opted for the epidural over the shovel, but I waited long enough to guarantee the contractions were a pain I’ll always remember, not only to rub it in my son’s face one day, but so I don’t fool myself into thinking that a natural birth might actually be a good idea. (It’s not.)

The hospital stay was traumatic in its own right. Dozens of strangers shoving their way in my room at all hours to fill out forms (those were Marc’s guests), to poke and prod Erich and me, to throw off the sheets and examine how things are going “down there” and ask when my last “pee pee” and “poo poo” was (like, they do know I’m not the baby, right?). Don’t even get me started on the Nazi lactation nurses fondling me every two hours while smashing Erich’s face into my breasts. The only person that didn’t wake me up was the food lady, and she was the only one I waited up for.

It didn’t take long after settling in at home to have my first emotional/mental/physical breakdown. I lasted 24 hours before I sent Marc out in a blizzard to fill my prescriptions. I stayed home with a body that wouldn’t function, a baby that wouldn’t nurse, and breasts that wouldn’t stop growing. (Normally I wouldn’t complain about the last one, but I wasn’t thinking rationally at the time.) Another epidural would’ve been welcome, but I settled for an ocean of tears and the beloved Percoset my darling husband brought home. Ice packs, heating pads and oxycodone saved my life. I spent the next month healing, sleeping, nursing and trying not to poop. At least my kid is freakin’ adorable.

Now that my 13 week old sack of potatoes is sleeping through the night (10 hours last night!), babbling through his huge gummy grin and keeping his once 2 hour feeds at less than 40 minutes now, I’m starting to forget. My higher power is putting His Magic Eraser to work, obliterating traumatic portions of the past few months. Forever recording my experience in the blogosphere wasn’t likely part of God’s plan for new mothers, but He has a special plan for me. I’m beginning to forget what it felt like, but I hope by writing this, I don’t forget what happened. I propagate the species by accidental fertilization. It’s happened once, and it could happen again. At least next time I’ll know what to expect.

12 comments:

buddens said...

Erich is sooo cute in that picture! I love the one of him resting on your chest too. I think having a kid is so much fun, too, and I really didn't mind pregnancy. But even though Gretta is almost two, every once in a while, my C-section scar will itch, or she'll be playing around and kick it in a way that makes me remember how much C-sections are just not fun to recover from. It makes me a little scared of reproducing again too! I'm glad you're feeling better now, and starting to forget...

Glad to see you are posting again! We're excited to see you guys next month and meet the little man.

Alifinale said...

You are so funny! Nice to see you back in the blogosphere! It is true that while you don't forget the fact that there was pain and misery involved, you forget exactly how bad it felt. While I am not ready to get preggers again...I am finally starting to see why people have more than one. Babies are so fun and so sweet and being a mother is so rewarding. I am glad you are getting better!

melbo said...

Thanks fellow moms! It's nice to have friends that understand :)

Alice said...

I'm not a mommy and I don't understand at all. You just scared the eventual baby plan right out of me ... I'll adopt.

Great blog by the way!

lizzythebotanist said...

Hi, I'm Liz. I've been stalking you since I came across your "Don't Know What You Got Till It's Gone" post. Which I loved. It's about time you get another on up here!

When I first brought my son, Nash, home and was frustrated with the fact that he was on the boob day in and day out, I remember not understanding how anyone would/could ever have more than one child. I didn't know how I would ever get anything done. And I screamed that thought at the top of my lungs (along with not-so-mild explicits) multiple times.

Now, five months later, I can't belive anyone doesn't have more than one kid! It's pretty stinking fun. My C-section was next to a non-event. I never felt a thing, never had to push, and my recovery was amazingly easy-I'd say easier than most V-inal deliveries even. So for those of you who aren't quite ready for another, I understand. I guess....I'm just jealous of those of you who can have more (financially). With law school coming up i'm not sure i can go it alone with two kids....so we have to wait.

The only thing I don't understand is why you are trying NOT to poop.

Anonymous said...

yeah, what a great blog! I don't think Erich will ever be able to forget, since your blogs will inevitably turn into a best-selling book on the New York Times list! Whoo-hoo! (i'd buy it!)

Take Care

Alifinale said...

LTB, let me explain something you don't understand as you haven't had an episiotomy, pooing after a vaginal birth is almost as bad as giving birth again.

Rebecca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
melbo said...

Word, Ali. You totally got it.

Alice, like I said, you forget. It's part of The Plan. And like I also said, sometimes you don't really have a choice. Abstinence is unfortuntely the only pure birth control.
A-Non, aww :) That'll be 39.95 to reserve a copy. I take gold.
Liz, thx for visiting! I don't think I've ever had a stalker before. It's pretty rad. Good luck with law school. We waited until the 3rd year to procreate but we have friends that were on their 3rd before graduation and made it work. Not that you need to do that, but I'm just saying...

buddens said...

I'm thinking LTB is pretty dang lucky that her C-section was easy to recover from. I'm a little jealous! Alas, mine was not. I was on stool softeners forever because they didn't want me to bust open the stitches from pushing to poop. That being said, I would do it all over again (including the 32 hours of labor) to have my tiny little muffin in my life! Being a mom is totally worth the saggy boobs, saggy stomach, 6-inch scar, and stretch marks. (Wow, don't I sound hot!)

mamasue said...

Missy,
Great blog. You're quite the writer. Hello from us in Vegas, hope you're doing great!

melbo said...

Buddens, if anything will get some men visit this site a comment like that will! Yowza! :P

Mamasue, you're in Vegas? Who are you , love??