February 23, 2007

Don't Know Whatcha Got 'Til it's Gone

Toning up a post-pregnancy body is like reassembling a cake that’s fallen on the floor. Some pieces fit back where they belong but there are ultimately chunks leftover, and you really end up wishing you had swept the dog hair from the floor before baking. Right now my stomach looks like I pushed my thumb into a ball of playdough (thumb print = belly button). I’m hoping I can get at least some definition back, but I’ll have to accept the fact that some of my cake/playdough might be forever laced with last nights stuffing: Lumpy. Discolored. And maybe a little salty.

The realization came last month, about a week after giving birth to my little baby boy. Looking in the mirror, I noticed several red marks across the top of my bum. These mysterious painless “scratches” came out of nowhere. Jäger hadn’t jumped me from behind any time recently, and they definitely weren’t Marc's handiwork (for as beaten up as I was, I wasn’t letting that poor guy anywhere near my booty.)We had been dealing with a bit of a mouse problem at the time, but I think I’d remember a giant rodent clawing at my ass. That left only one dreaded explanation for these unsightly blemishes: stretch marks. I had survived my entire pregnancy without a single one... or so I thought. Truth is, while in my “enlarged” state, I purposely avoided checking out my bare backside out of sheer terror. Well, that and I didn’t have enough mirrors to look at it anyway; twisting in any direction certainly wasn’t a feat I could manage without assistance. In any case, I’m told these lines too shall pass, or at least fade into “flat silvery streaks.” Great. With any luck I’ll have a tinsel butt by next Christmas. Though be it a rock hard tinsel butt! Bounce a quarter off that, Santa.


Alifinale said...

Don't you fret. I wanted to cry (and did most of the time) every day for several weeks after having Emery. You feel like you will never feel like yourself again. I bought some bigger jeans thinking that I was at my new size for life, and now they fall off me. Don't worry, it is amazing how your body will go back. While I can't say you will go back exactly to the way you were before, you will get close. And my jello tummy and flat butt were worth it.

BTW, welcome back to blogging. You really need to post pics of the little guy!

Tara said...

That is hilarious! Oh man, is this what I have to look forward to? What we women go through - we're frickin amazing.

melbo said...

Thanks for the words of hope, Ali. I'll try to enjoy these curves while I've got 'em. And Tara, girl, you don't know the half of it. Babies are great but they sure rip you up!

BillieJean said...

Melbo, I just realized who you were! I am excited to come and visit you guys this summer with my hubby and see you and your cute family!

And don't feel bad, I have stretch marks and I have not even had a baby. I am screwed.