January 22, 2006

Under Where?

We’re about to delve into some sensitive subject matter… Underpants.

I could say: “Check your fantasies at the door,” but I’m no bouncer. Besides, isn’t the fantasy what makes blogs so awesome? So I'll simply say this: Read at your own risk.

Yesterday I had a client that made me wonder... is she dressing up for me, or does she wear this stuff all the time? I was almost embarrassed to see the back of her black silk, lace up thong. Her selection seemed more suitable for a party dress then for a massage. And no, I didn’t check the label, but Frederick would have approved. (Whoa, did I just put a link to Frederick’s of Hollywood on my blog? I sure did.) To be honest, I was pretty annoyed; the ribbons kept getting in the way.

On that note, I've seen some interesting choices (I’ll spare you the scary ones). When men wear puppy and kitty boxers, I tell myself the girlfriend bought them. I want to cry for the old women in tight-as-hell “shapewear.” They must be suffocating–no wonder they tell me they’re constipated! Finally, once I had to bite my tongue when a fellow therapist complained about her client's “knee length white cotton/spandex biking shorts” (yes, all you Mormons, that IS what she was talking about).

I'd estimate that about 30-40% of my clients wear underwear for their massage. They’re always draped, so I don’t see anything I don’t want to (and believe me, I don't want to). As a side note, most veterans go commando, which is actually a lot easier, although I don’t have much of a preference.

Lucky for me, people generally don’t like to show off their nasties. I rarely see the laundry day granny panties. And if the undies are crappy (I hope not literally), they probably end up stored in the locker or shoved into a pocket. That’s fine with me. At least I haven’t seen these yet.

9 comments:

Emz said...

Interesting topic.. hahaha

Mind Spewer said...

Did you tell the other therapist that maybe knee-length white biker shorts could be suprisingly comfortable?

Marc said...

Those aren't exactly the sentiments Melbo had about them after we got married.

Mrs. McDreamy said...

Melbo, you could have used the underwear comment as a missionary opportunity. Then again, maybe it's better to let it be. Also, did you consider that lacey black thong girl could have been going to a party later. It would be silly to have to put on special underwear for you then change for the party.

But, yeah, I would just take it all off. Then I wouldn't have to worry about the therapist judging my under garment attire, instead they could judge my cellulite butt.

Lizzy said...

My coworker once saw my knee length biker shorts (I really should buy clothes that cover) and screamed, "So my husband was right!" I had no idea what she was talking about so she explained her husband said Mormons wear crazy ass underwear that goes all the way to their knees. I just laughed and said, "There's a top too..."

Mind Spewer said...

Melbo, just wanted to let you know that you're back on my blog's links list. I lost all my links when I reformated my template (I sound so technical). But now I've got it going again, and you're back on.

melbo said...

Interesting, Mind Spewer... Was loosing my link purely an "accident" or did someone leak to you my new blog idea -- about being kicked out of the blogger club for not posting?
I appreciate being reinstated nonetheless. I'll try to be a more consistent blogger to remain worthy of my new post.
Oh, and mrs. mcdreamy: cellulite butt my ass.

melbo said...

And about the undies: At the time of the incident, I wasn't experienced in the ways of the special underwear. Even now that I'm used to it, it's complicated when you have to change in a locker room with a hundred other women...

Gargantus said...

it's easy. Take off the undies with with the pants or shirt in one fluid motion, then when you put them on, do the same... im not sure how it works with the bra though.