November 15, 2005

My Thoughts Exactly

What do I think about while giving a massage? NOT SEX. You don’t always ask, but you always want to know and there it is. There, now you can relax. Same goes for that dirty sleaze looking for a happy ending. Only 19% of women think about sex daily, so it’s not likely that you’ll be my weekly fantasy Mr. Severe Halitosis & Hairy Back Man. Let me reassure you, your therapist is thinking less about sex during the massage than you are. Your therapist is only there to take care of you. The sickos get weeded out FAST, massage isn’t a job you can do for long if your hearts not in it. (But as an additional sidenote, if you feel uncomfortable, say so!)

I can pretty much guarantee that rubbing oil all over your naked body is doing absolutely nothing for your therapist. (Well, unless you are of the “Thunder from Down Under” that a friend of mine used to massage. That’s excusable though, especially when she and all her girlfriends got free tickets for the show. I never experienced it for myself, but put simply those men sell sex. Or the illusion of it; I’m not about to be responsible for starting any rumors.)

There, now that’s settled.

I’ve been doing massage for almost 4 years, so I can function well on auto pilot. I’ve seen almost anything and learned that it all comes down to my intent and touch. Not to get into energy and loose my credibility, but being able to let my mind wander keeps me grounded. If I get too consumed in my clients issues, then I hold onto them-physically, emotionally, and mentally. I have to filter it out or I’m stuck with it.

I actually think of giving a massage as a form of meditation. Truth be told, my mind could drift off almost anywhere, from books I want to write to what I could blog to my future family. I get a rhythm and my best ideas start to flow. I believe I’ve mastered the art of staying connected with my client and keeping enough distance to stay sane.

Now, on to the fun stuff!

The stories, oh the stories! I have a certain level of client-therapist confidentiality that I have to keep up, as long as I want to keep my job, that is. Although I do have some goodies I’ll pass on over time. Sometime soon, I’ll post the one about the woman sprinting off the table en route to the bathroom, all the while holding a stained sheet tightly against her butt. That’s always a crowd pleaser, but I warn you, not for the weak. Stay tuned and I’ll try to come up with more.


Mrs. McDreamy said...

I can't wait to hear about other crazies that you encounter massaging. Have you ever had to refuse to massage someone? If so, why? Too many back zits or because they got a little too excited?

Mind Spewer said...

What color was the stain on the sheet? I hope it wasn't brown.

melbo said...

Maybe I won't tell the truth just yet. I'm not sure you can handle it.

Marc said...

Umm... you sure you've never thought of sex while massaging? : )

Geoff Tice said...

I think you got your stats mixed up. I think it's "women spend 19% of their day thinking about sex". That equals about 3 hours of your waking day. Most chicks I know send about 3 hours a day fantasizing about it.

Marc said...

At least that's what Geoff tells himself to get himself in the mood.

tigerfoxbear said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and just guess that while you give massages, you are always thinking about one massage that you promised to give to a certain special someone. By the way, that certain special someone still HASN'T received his massage, and his back hurts really bad all the time! Anyway, that is just a guess, was I close? Also, I want to hear more stories. Thank you.

melbo said...

If only I could spend one hour in the same state as that "special someone" to whom I have promised a massage... we could both get these monkeys off our backs.
But seriously, the next time you're here or I'm there, I owe you one.