Too Frugal?

Every night, two teenage girls sleep with my husband and me. They’re not hot, and that’s why it’s annoying.

My husband has a pillow he got before his mission. From two teenagers that used to flirt with him at his job. They “custom made” him a pillowcase. HA! If that thing was an original then I have a love child with Kevin Federline. (Hmmm, I guess who doesn’t these days…) No question, these suckers were mass produced, passed out to every hormone driven young man about to spend 2 years at a safe distance from anything with eyelashes. These chicks weren’t messing around, they were going to marry an RM if it was the last thing they’d do.

Picture it: two brunettes, about 17, all cutesy with their heads together, hands to the chin in true Glamour Shots style. It’s like straight out of a Doublemint add, with a caption reading: “this will have to do til your mission is thru”.

The question is this: does something as cheesy and horrible as this really serve a purpose? If so, then it’s either:

a) Make missionaries dream about the chicks on their pillows for two years. After long hours of simply staring at the picture, the poor missionary can still only dream. Oh the torture!

or

b) Make missionaries lust after the chicks on their pillowcase for two years. After the ogling gets old, what should they do, kiss the appliqué goodnight? I’m not any expert on mission rules, but making out with your girly pillow is likely considered a “gray area”, if not for the sole reason that it’s just creepy.

or

c) The make-out option again. I for one am appalled at their implication that it’s okay to make out with two chicks at the same time. And a threesome with a missionary? They’re sick puppies I tell you.

So I hate having these girls sleeping with us every night. These girls just aren’t all that. If they were Eva Longoria or Halle Berry I would at least give them credit. But they’re not, and they think they are. And I have to sleep with it.

To my relief, Marc never used this pillowcase on his mission. It was crisp and new when I pulled it out. Why would I put such a horrid thing on my bed? Marc’s pillowcase ripped, and it was last resort that turned into a temporary replacement. (Unfortunately, it’s my own fault, I forget to buy some new sets EVERY time I go to Target.) The plus side is that if you turn it upside down you almost forget they’re there.

So then why is the pillow always face up in the morning??