March 31, 2006

Hate Me if You Must, but I Still Won

"Ooo, traffic jam, got more cars than a beach got sand..."

Driving home today along the beltway, a mile and a half from my exit, I came to a standstill. Hundreds upon hundreds of cars were busily clogging the two right lanes of traffic. As is my way, I hopped over to the left to scope out a better place in line.

I thought, surely someone will let me back in at the last second. In my many months of budging since I moved to DC, I’ve only had to wait twice for the whole line of cars to pass by. There is almost always a kind soul ready to wave me in or at the very least, someone on their cell or a Mack truck slowing things down. What’s that you say? I’m a huge jerk? Au Contraire! In fact, I’m an impatient genius.

After traveling a mile watching all these cars backed up like sardines, I wondered if I might damage my almost perfect record. I ran through Plan B in my mind: skipping the exit altogether. But then…WAIT! What do I see a few car lengths from the final turn-off? Neatly pushed to the far right break down lane?

An ambulance….a banged-up car….and a stretcher.

All those cars were crawling by in single file to take in the scene, while I casually slipped in front, on my way down the exit ramp with PLENTY of room, leaving all those polite suckers in the dust.

I bet they cursed me as I drove by. Half an hour later, I bet they cursed all those rubber-neckers as they finally passed. They should really be cursing themselves for not being as smart as me, because I don’t feel the least bit guilty.

Budging Rocks.


verniciousknids said...

Nice choice of pic and very crafty of you :D

Marc said...

In case you are all wondering... driving with Melissa is... ahem... an experience.

melbo said...

Thanks, Vern. I was looking for pics of Tokyo traffic, but it was so orderly it reminded me nothing of DC :P

Lets not talk driving records, hunny. Schmoozing your way out of countless tickets doesn't make you a better driver, it makes you a better con man. See why I married a lawyer? You should have no problem paying for my infractions.

Gargantus said...

speeding while maintaining control of your vehicle shouldn't be a crime. Girls may have better driving records, but take it from someone who almost gets run over by them everyday, women drivers suck nuts.

melbo said...

Garg, you simply don't realize the effect your spandex have on women. We spot a hottie on a bicycle and lose control of all motor skills. (haha, literally!)