I've Been Duped

A long time ago, I wanted to be a star and appeared in a pilot for a TV show. Before anyone gets impressed, let me set the record straight. My venture into the spotlight was not the glorious 15 minutes I'd hoped for. The show's producer approached me at a club (I know, red flag!) and I agreed to the gig thinking I'd be some sort of background dancer. When I showed up however, the "producer/director/writer" (yeah, ego much?) shoved me in front of the camera and said something to the effect of: "Okay, now talk about what we're doing, what the show is about and be charming!" Off the cuff and no rehearsals. Ever. Let's just say it took a while for me to stop staring at the camera lights like a frightened deer, and it took several more takes for me to stop saying “um...”.

So here's the premise: I was co-host with this other guy, let’s call him "Kelly", a pretty metro-sexual type who sold himself as a 'seasoned actor'. We would trek around town, hitting Salt Lake’s hot night spots and telling all the folks at home how sensational they were. To make a long story short, the producer was an inexperienced, egocentric control freak, his crew quit and the pilot didn't pick up. I really didn't mind too much. The finished product turned out pretty choppy and although I wasn't the worst actor in the crew, my performance was definitely rough. So no, you will never, ever see it.

I only tell this story to give you an idea of why I completely flipped this summer when I casually flipped on the TV before bed and caught the very beginning of a home improvement show on HGTV. The host had just finished telling the lovely couple about the dazzling improvements he had planned. He then turned to introduce his team of professionals and HERE is where all of my assumptions about home improvement shows were shattered. I KNEW CONTRACTOR #1! There was Kelly, his normally perfect hair slightly tussled, and dressed down from his collared shirt and Kenneth Cole shoes to faded jeans and a tool belt. As I watched him deliver his lines and smile while he slammed the hammer, I was beside myself. I always thought the people on screen actually did the construction, but this man was not the do-it-yourself type. I suppose I should have known better, but truth was, I'd been duped. Obviously, the "contractors" were pretty boys who were simply fed lines and filmed pounding a couple nails while the REAL men got to it next door. So now I wonder, who are those real guys that do the dirty work and why aren't THEY on camera? Because they're old, don't bleach their teeth or blow dry their hair? Sounds to me like an episode of This Old House… Okay, so even I wouldn't watch that, but I still don’t like the pretense, fellas.

cute, Cute, CUTE!

So I've been spending Marc's hard-earned money on shoes for Erich. I found this super cute site and ohmygawsh, you HAVE to check out my latest aquisitions:

Rileyroos Sportie in "Wahoo" and "Butterscotch"

They are freakin' awesome. And even cuter in real life - if you can even believe it! Seriously, since I got them in the mail last week, Little E has worn these puppies everywhere. And they're more than just fashionable, when he wears them he can actually stand on his own for up to 15 seconds! Woo-hoo! (Bare-footed he still tries to walk tippytoed.) Also, just for fun I got a couple of these. Holy crap, my kid is so cute!

Gotta Love Lefties

If he keeps pulling off his left sock

does that mean he's left-handed?

wishful thinking...

A Little Peace'll Cost Ya

100 : Approximate # of times Jäger had the runs in the last 3 days

6 : # of times he didn't make it past the threshold

$210 : Ridiculous amount spent on the veterinarian visit

$140 : Cost of one BadA** Jäger-can't-get-into-this-mother trash can (which, by the way looks AMAZING in our kitchen and increased the value of our home by an estimated 2%)

The price of a good nights sleep and coming home to poop-free floors : Priceless. Or $350. I still can't decide.

Not a “Housewife”: a “Woman on Vacation”

So am I the world’s most undependable blogger or what? At least you can’t say I didn’t warn you all I would take another hiatus someday… Suddenly, though I feel the need to express myself more, and I’m pretty sure it’s a direct result of recently switching my day job from a full-time Rubber to a full-time Mudder. (Hey, it almost rhymes.)

I love being home. I have a theory that some women need to spend most of their time around the home and some need to spend most of it doing anything else. My sister and I are perfect examples of this. She’s home with her 3 month old and losing her mind. She loves one on one time with her little boy but the down time is killing her. She actually said to me: “I mean, how many more drawers can I organize before losing my mind?!” I told her to get a dog or write a blog. She decided she’ll try to start a business.

On the other hand, I have every minute of my day planned to maximize my home time. This does NOT mean I’m lazy, People. I still work Saturdays - to keep life interesting and the hotel discounts coming – I’m taking a 5 credit German class, and I keep up on chores and errands. (Okay, okay, so I called a maid. But I do run the errands.) I just love to be at home. I leave for class at the last possible second and come home right after. I run with the dog so he’ll sleep and cuddle with me while I do my homework. I run errands with Erich while he naps so I can let him crawl around my feet while I clean. I fold laundry in front of the TV because I want to watch TV curled on the couch without feeling guilty (so what if it takes twice as long :P). And best of all, I get to see and catch up with friends. I can go out to lunch, chat online, pop over to the neighbors, make phone calls, etc. I didn’t notice how anti-social I used to be while I was working. My worn out line was: “Oh, I can’t, I have to work.” Not anymore! And although I do plan on going back to work or school again, it may be from home and will certainly be on my own terms.. because this freedom deal is addictive. *

*Of course, behind every woman with freedom is a man without it, so this post is dedicated to my Sugar Daddy. Ich liebe dich, Husband, esq.

VSoM

Well, I ended up writing for VSoM a little longer than I had planned, but at least I have a few more posts to show for it (that otherwise would not have been written). Check 'em out:

"Can You Put a Price on Forever?"
"Grey Matter"
"Stranger-than-the-Average-Mormon"
"He Started Out a Straight Up Punk"

Jarvis Cocker is still a Cocky Rocker. And I like it.

I feel so lucky when I catch quality moments on the radio. I feel smart, happy and proud to know a fun piece of information that I can impress others with. Today I caught Terry Gross interviewing Jarvis Cocker on Fresh Air. Jarvis Cocker is famously known as the former lead singer of the Brit-pop indie band Pulp and infamous for mooning Michael Jackson onstage at the Brit Awards in ’96. I used to be really into his music, thanks to the influence of my older sis’, and this interview made me burn with nostalgia for those tunes I used to love.

My favorite part of the interview is when Jarvis bashes rock music. In his words, rock is just so “I HAVE MY MESSAGE FOR THE WORLD AND YOU MUST LISTEN AND IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.”

“Oh give me a break, please,” he scoffs.

Jarvis goes on to say that he prefers pop music because, unlike rock, it doesn’t carry with it an inflated sense of its own importance. Although some pop songs have profoundly affected him, they didn’t try to do it. Music can be profound, but usually by accident. It doesn’t get there by taking itself too seriously and striving for profundity. (I can certainly agree with that after recently renting Music & Lyrics... no profundity in that one.)

I decided this guy is so cool (there's just something about those glasses) that if I ever have another son I should name him Jarvis. Then I realized that in German, Jarvis sounds like Yarr-fiss. Now, I don’t know what a Yard fish is, but I certainly don’t want my son to be mistaken for one. That leaves me with Cocker… Cocker Bohn. Niiice.

A Letter to The Blog

Dear Blog,

I'm sorry, Blog! I feel like I've abandoned you. I do miss our good times, but I've been keeping very busy. As it turns out writing serious posts can be pretty time consuming. The past few weeks I've written about being Single and Mormon, Ghosts, and Dads. I'm ready for some lighter fair again, though. I'll come back to you soon... if you'll have me.

On my knees,
Melbo

Adultery... Again

I know I shouldn't flaunt my scarlet letter so recklessly, but I've posted two more blogs on VSoM. Here's one on Family and another on Gay Marriage.

I'm Having an Affair

I'm having an affair... with another blog. And I won't be ending things anytime soon. For the next couple of months I'll be writing for VSoM on Wednesdays. The topic this week is Moms.