You might be pregnant if...

*If kissing your husband after he eats a clementine feels like you're being waterboarded with orange juice.. you might be pregnant.
*If you catch yourself saying this is THE MOST AMAZING (FRENCH FRY/DOUGHNUT/BOWL OF RAMEN) YOU'VE EVER EATEN IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.. you might be pregnant.
*If you've stopped complaining about the dog's/your husband's gas so much because you're not sure if it was you or him.. you might be pregnant.
*If everything you come across seems to smell like urine, socks, maple syrup or grandma's basement.. you might be pregnant.
*If you wake up in the middle of the night inconsolable because you had a dream about wizard nuns stealing you away from your family and it felt SO REAL.. you might be pregnant.
*If you can't sing along to a Taylor Swift song on the radio without sobbing through the refrain.. you might be pregnant.
*If you listen to Taylor Swift songs on the radio.. you might be pregnant.
*If you're secretly bummed it's not swimsuit season so you can show off your new rack.. you might be pregnant.
*If people keep touching your belly, and you cringe at the fact that they're delicately bonding with your extra fat layers and the baby is actually 6 inches lower.. you might be pregnant (but then I guess you already knew that).
*If you prepare exactly what you were craving, eat it, and then want to puke because the smell won't go away.. you might be pregnant.
*If you just got comfortable in the perfect position on the couch/bed/movie theater seat and you suddenly feel like you're about to wet yourself, even after you JUST went.. you might be pregnant.
*If you start eyeing your husband's closet.. you might be pregnant.
*If you tuck your shirt under your bra and unbutton your pants around the house so your belly can "breathe".. you might be pregnant.
*If you sit down ready for an evening of laundry folding and DVR, but then fall asleep thinking about it because even that was too exhausting.. you might be pregnant.
*If your favorite color Runt candy (purple) falls between the seat and you get really, extremely upset that you can't reach it.. you might be pregnant.
*If you've had a jar of peanut butter and a spoon at the ready on your nightstand for more than 3 days in a row.. you might be pregnant.
*If your husband wakes you up from a nap to hand you a DQ chicken strip basket and he doesn't say ANYTHING about you eating the entire thing while laying down in bed with your eyes closed (slightly elevated to avoid heartburn).. you might be pregnant.
*If sleep-eating on your back in bed seems perfectly normal to you.. you might be pregnant.
*If said chicken strip basket was neither a lunch nor dinner, but simply a "mid-meal snack".. you might be pregnant.

And finally, if you make up a list of scenarios of what it's like to be pregnant and every one applies to you... well, you know.

German Preschool

Late this summer, it appeared Erich wouldn't be admitted to the private German preschool we were looking at, so I took matters into my own hands and started up a cooperative preschool with some other German mothers in our area. Wouldn't you know it, a couple of weeks later, I got a letter from the German school asking if we were still interested. We decided we'd found a better solution and could save a buttload of cash in the process. Seriously, what were we thinking?? All I did was send out an email to some German parent groups that I'm a part of and I got a really good response. We met, all of us for the first time, and discussed details in German as I tried to desperately to understand what the H they were talking about. Let me tell you, I was a rag doll by the time they left my house. But I had made it through the first meeting and they didn't kick me out of the group! Bonus!!

We decided to meet for 2 hours twice a week and rotate houses and responsibilities (snacks, reading/singing time, craft). We have 6 parents - all native Germans with the exception of me - and 7 children. Luckily, the children get along really well, although that could be because there are only 2 boys in the group... and even though my Erich isn't much a fan of sitting, or potty training, or eating, he's doing pretty well. He'll repeat words he hears, he's starting to ask for things more clearly, and socially he's becoming more... um, normal. What I mean is, instead of walking up to another kid and making weird animal noises, more often he'll say hi or tell me they're in his way (hey, to me that's progress!).

Overall, it's working out great - even better than I'd expected. Everyone is involved and commited, and I'm incredibly happy about my idea coming to life. However, it's been three weeks and I'm still feeling insecure about my place - whether I'm not fitting in, or what the other mothers think of me. They are all really nice and creative and easy to be around, and so are their kids, but I just wonder if they think I'm crazy or silly for only speaking to my son in a language neither my husband nor I fully understand. My biggest fear is that they'll eventually call me out as the fraud I am, deciding that my German is too sub-standard, and that my child is too young and disruptive for the group anyway (a result of my poor parenting). I feel like my only recourse is to do my best at developing relationships; however, even this is difficult because I don't understand everything they say. During our first meeting, I could only understand about 1/2 of everything that was said, and now I understand about 3/4 of the conversations, which is at least encouraging. I go home every day and look up words they used, but I still get get hung up, and even though I'm frustrated, the last thing I want is to force everyone to speak English to me. It would defeat the entire purpose of immersing Erich (and me). I also hope I can show them I have a lot to offer when it's my turn to lead. I've been sharing German translations of English songs that they don't know, maybe that will be my niche?

As I said though, I really believe this preschool is a good thing for us. I have faith that I'll grow more comfortable overtime. Erich and I are both improving in the language and it's providing more structure and social opportunities for him. Plus he LOVES going to see his "deutsche Freunde," as he calls them. I'm grateful that we gain so much from the our new friends, I just hope we can offer as much back.

The First Great American Hotdog Launch.

The First Great American Hotdog Launch was created and hosted by my fabulous friend Erin. Unfortunately, Marc & I were unable to attend this competition of ingenuity and might, and were forced to hold our own tournament.

"You really could afford to talk more."

The same guy that once said to me: "You're really pretty, but it's because of your personality," also once told me: "You know, you really could afford to talk more." I wanted to tell him that he really could afford to talk less. But he was my boyfriend's best friend, and I didn't want to start a fight, even though that boy was the King of back-handed compliments. Nevertheless, that comment has always stayed with me.

To this day, I often wonder if I'm expressing myself enough, or if I really could "afford" to say more. I used to be a shy kid, but I'm pleased to say that the more life I've experienced, the more confident and emboldened I've become. These days when I have something to say in a social or classroom setting, I generally say it. I have even reached a certain level of confidence where, although I'm not clever enough to do this often, I'll say something slightly off - that will, at the very least, make one person in the room smile to themselves while purposely avoiding eye contact. It feels good.

I am very aware that on occasion, things I say aren't always as hilarious to other people as they are in my head. But that awareness, I've decided, is just the price of individuality. I've discovered that it's extremely satisfying to knock my own socks off - everyone else is just a bonus. I also seem to have unconsciously made it a goal to become really good at witty banter. I'm still working on it, but paired up with the core personal belief that I'm actually really quite hilarious, I'm sure I'll go far.

The fact of the matter is, if you think I'm less than mildly entertaining, then it just means you don't know me very well. I am most definitely more than mildly entertaining. In fact, I constantly remind my husband that he is severely missing out by not staying abreast on every word I type on my various stay-at-home-mom social outlets such as Facebook, Google Talk and Twitter (follow me, if you dare: melbohn). When he finally catches up, I do declare he is never disappointed. Neither am I.

Facebook has turned me into a stalker.

I ditched my blog for Facebook. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened. The reason being: it's easy. Facebook, for those who are completely clueless, is the lazy man's blog. And it's the most major networking site this side of the World Wide Web. You can post pictures, write on peoples "walls", post links, "poke" people, become a fan of stuff, post ranting notes, and update your status every second. You can do all the same stuff you do with a blog, but have a much larger audience because Facebook alerts all of your buddies on your slightest moves. What's that? Sort of sounds like a subdued form of stalking? That's because it is. On Facebook, you stay connected with your own circle of "friends," i.e., everyone you've met in your life that you don't mind following your every move with bated breath (friends like me). Furthermore, by accepting your friendship, these chums have extended to you the same invitation: Frisk me, baby.

One advantage to staying home with a 2-year-old all day is that I am always within 20 feet of my computer screen. I can hear every alert of a new email or message the moment it comes into my little baby's (laptop's) awareness. Facebook very kindly notifies me every time one of my friends pays attention to me in written form. At which point, I rush to see what was said in my honor. What I am blissfully unaware of, however, is what else they are looking at, reading and thinking. It is best, and safest, to assume EVERYTHING.

This is my confession: Facebook has turned me into a stalker. It's one thing to cruise through friends' blogs, read their posts and leave the occasional comment, but it's another to stay logged in all day and read every news feed that pops up - on the average of every second. And then to read every status update, note, picture comment or wall-to-wall conversation that looks somewhat interesting. This is what is stalker-ish about the whole thing. Do they really know I'm reading their conversations with other people? And scrolling back in time to read their previous statuses and comments? And looking at any picture they've posted or album they've been 'tagged' in? And scanning their friends to see who their friends' friends are?? I assume no one cares, or else they would be more private; besides, they probably do the same things themselves. Also, unlike blog surfing, you can't track on Facebook which IP address has been perusing your profile, but you can take comfort in knowing that your stalkers are only those you've invited into your personal life (although considering some of the randoms I've friended, maybe this isn't such a comfort). Still, does this type of behavior seem odd to anyone else? Does it matter? Are we all on huge ego trips and just flattered by the attention - assuming anyone else would be as well?

Okay, I do have a life. I'm not completely absorbed by the lives of others; I'm just really excited to keep in touch with people. Besides, it makes for great interactive reality web-tv. I often wonder, however, where exactly that line is that separates social networking from obsession. Because I get the impression that it's pretty thin.

Because I'm a Cold, Heartless Beyotch.

Pay It Forward DO OVER.

Because the first 3 responders to my Pay It Forward post didn't follow the rules and post the same thing on their blogs, they have been disqualified. Come on, guys! Rules are RULES!!

"The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a handmade (or possibly store-bought) gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. There's a small catch though...Post this same thing on your own blog and then come back and leave a comment telling me you're in. Remember, only the first 3 comments receive the gift!"

And THIS time: Post first, then comment. Ahem.

It's time to make a change.

I'm trying to change my approach to blogging. I feel I've fallen into a trap of using my blog to entertain others rather than to express myself- which isn't necessarily a bad thing, depending on one's goals for keeping a blog. I've decided my goals, however, need to be more personal. I need a creative outlet, and writing is a good one for me. Writing is also something I'm ok at it; whereas I totally suck at making things (such as blogs and crafts) look good. Therefore, I'm done with posting just for postings sake, and I'm tired of trying to meet my own silly criteria, such as these:

1. I must be cute, cute, cute. I only feel this way because a majority of my friends' blogs are so stinkin' cute and creative that feel like I have to try to keep up. Cute blog templates. Cute fonts. Cute, chic pictures of attractive family and friends or adorable discoveries. With cute and fun things to say about said beauties. It's all very impressive and admirable, but also a lot of work. Believe me, I've tried. I've come to accept that as much as I'd like to, I just can't do cute.
2. I have to talk about something fun or exciting. My blog is titled "The Salad Days" after all, an idiomatic expression referring to my enthusiasm for these early years in my life. I feel like I'm supposed to stick to the theme... and entertain... as well as show off a little.
   
3. I have to like something. That statement may sound odd, but I feel pressure to be positive. I think about my audience here (the 5 of you know who you are) and wonder: Wouldn't people get bored if I complained all the time? Or if I were really sarcastic or ironic? (I really can be.) But then, what's the point of posting just to post? Do people really care what Amazon's top books are or if Erich bit the shape of a slug into an apple? Who am I trying to impress? And why?

All I really want to do is write about stuff - completely random and whenever I feel like it. Without feeling like I need to impress, or rate myself on the quality or quantity of comments I receive. I sometimes wonder if I should turn the comments off, and if that would relieve any pressure to post, or to impress anyone. Whether it would make writing more enjoyable and personal. I've also thought of creating a strictly anonymous blog, but I've decided that I don't really have anything to hide, and that I'd really like to keep an honest dialogue with my friends.

I'm revamping my blog. Very soon, I will no longer be The Salad Days. I may even delete some old posts that mean nothing to me. We'll see. At any rate, I hope this results in a blog that I'm proud of, a lot of randomness, and some better quality writing.

Keep it real,
Melbo

Pay It Forward

"The first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive a handmade (or possibly store-bought) gift from me during this year. When and what will be a surprise. There's a small catch though...Post this same thing on your own blog and then come back and leave a comment telling me you're in. Remember, only the first 3 comments receive the gift!"